•1:38 PM
Smile
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•3:25 PM
A little mouse died and went to Heaven where St. Peter met him and invited him to come in, but the mouse told him he wanted to look around first.
St. Peter said that was okay with him.
After looking around, the mouse approached St. Peter and told him he would like to stay but it is too big there and he would get tired running around all day.
St. Peter thought for awhile and said he had just the thing for him, a pair of roller skates, so the mouse decided to stay.
Soon a cat died and went to Heaven where St. Peter met him and invited him in also, the cat wanted to look around too.
After spotting the mouse on roller skates, the cat said, “Boy oh boy, you have meals on wheels! I will stay!”
•1:39 PM
Another Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?”
Tommy blurted out, “I know, Aces!”
•10:30 AM
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything.
Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.
They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the doctor said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?”
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between to thieves; and that’s how I want to go.”
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything.
Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.
They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the doctor said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?”
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between to thieves; and that’s how I want to go.”
•3:40 PM
The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church.
After shaking a few adult hands, he came upon the seven year old son of one of the deacons of the church.
“Good morning, Bill,” the preacher said as he reached out to shake Billy’s hand.
As he was doing so, he felt something in the palm of Billy’s hand.
“What’s this?” the preacher asked.
“Money,” said Billy with a big smile on his face, “It’s for you!”
“I don’t want to take your money, Billy,” the preacher answered.
“I want you to have it,” said Billy. After a short pause Billy continued, “My daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you.”
•10:30 AM
Visiting his grandparents, a small boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out. He picked it up and found that it was an old leaf that had been pressed flat between the pages.
“Mama, look what I found,” he called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in his voice, the boy answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
•10:30 AM
One beautiful Sunday morning, a minister announced to his congregation:
“My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons.
A $100 sermon that last five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $20 sermon that lasts a full hour.
Now, we’ll take the collection and see which one I’ll deliver.”
•12:19 PM
The Sunday school teacher was describing that when Lot’s wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt, when Bobby interrupted.
“My mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”
•10:30 AM
Darlene was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She then began stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“Yes, darling,” he answered. “God made me a long time ago.”
“Oh,” Darlene paused. “Grandpa, did God make me too?”
“Yes, indeed, sweetie,” he said. “God made you just a little while ago.”
Feeling their respective faces again, Darlene observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”
•12:03 PM
The Sunday school teacher was describing that when Lot’s wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt, when Bobby interrupted.
“My mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”
•3:44 PM
A minister’s wife was preparing pancakes for her young sons. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’” She said.
The oldest boy turned to his younger brother and said, “You be Jesus.”
•1:58 PM
The new minister stood at the church door greeting the members as they left the Sunday Morning service.
Most of the people were very generous telling the new minister how much they liked his message, except for one man who said, “That was a very dull and boring sermon, preacher.”
A few minutes later, the same man again appeared in line and said, “I don’t think you did much preparation for your message.”
Once again, the man appeared, this time muttering, “You really blew it. You didn’t have a thing to say!”
Finally, the minister could stand it no longer. He went to one of the deacons and inquired about the man.
“Oh, don’t let that guy bother you,” said the deacon. “All he does is goes around repeating whatever he hears other people saying.”
•3:23 PM
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her 2nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter.
One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line.
The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation.
The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, “The Lord is my Shepherd and that’s all I need to know!”
One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line.
The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation.
The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, “The Lord is my Shepherd and that’s all I need to know!”
•5:11 PM
My Dearest Friends,
God will never give up on you
no matter what you may be going through
His word is always true
and He's promised to take care of you!
So when the trials & tribulations come,
never doubt nor fear for the Lord is the Only one.
Those trials are merely to make us strong,
for through our obedience we can never go wrong.
Now when you begin to murmur over what you're going through,
pause for a moment to remember, Christ died for me & also you!
In Christian Love,
Sis. Carol F. B. (God Bless)
12/10/09
God will never give up on you
no matter what you may be going through
His word is always true
and He's promised to take care of you!
So when the trials & tribulations come,
never doubt nor fear for the Lord is the Only one.
Those trials are merely to make us strong,
for through our obedience we can never go wrong.
Now when you begin to murmur over what you're going through,
pause for a moment to remember, Christ died for me & also you!
In Christian Love,
Sis. Carol F. B. (God Bless)
12/10/09
•4:25 PM
A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
Now she was smiling. "Hey, they're getting it!" She thought.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
She was just bursting with pride for them.
"Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five year old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
Now she was smiling. "Hey, they're getting it!" She thought.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
She was just bursting with pride for them.
"Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five year old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
•3:18 PM
Email Goes Astray
Mr. Arnold, a businessman from Tulsa, Oklahoma, went on a business trip to Amarillo, Texas. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Paula.
Unfortunately, he forgot his wife's exact e-mail address and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. P. Arnold in Rapid City, South Dakota, the wife of a preacher who had just died.
The preacher's wife, Penny, took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. When she was finally revived by her daughter, Penny hysterically pointed to the message, which read, 'Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.'
Mr. Arnold, a businessman from Tulsa, Oklahoma, went on a business trip to Amarillo, Texas. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Paula.
Unfortunately, he forgot his wife's exact e-mail address and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. P. Arnold in Rapid City, South Dakota, the wife of a preacher who had just died.
The preacher's wife, Penny, took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. When she was finally revived by her daughter, Penny hysterically pointed to the message, which read, 'Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.'
•9:54 AM
A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation.
As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.
"Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
"No, not at all!" the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
"Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."
As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.
"Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
"No, not at all!" the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
"Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."
•2:47 PM
One Sunday morning, the minister noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the minister walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."
"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"What is this?" Little Johnny asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Somberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"
"Good morning," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"What is this?" Little Johnny asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Somberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"
•9:45 AM
A Sunday School teacher was describing that when Lot's wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt, when Bobby interrupted.
"My mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced, "and she turned into a telephone pole."
"My mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced, "and she turned into a telephone pole."
